It's a DISASTER!

[BattleNymph]

What's your worst cooking disaster story?


I have many.

There was the time I put sugar in the beef stew instead of salt (my sister having switched the two in the container inexplicably). It wasn't horrible but the sweet in the stew was a bit overpowering. My kids ate it manfully anyway. But they do still tease me about it.

Then there was the gray pumpkin pie. My first from scratch. Tasted heavenly! Was gray as an old mans beard. I'm still not sure how that happened. Once again, my kids ate it manfully.

[silverwhisper]

when i have time, i will tell the infamous instant pudding story. :>

[Haze]

I have had some stunning disasters but the worst has to be what was christened the 'cork tiling' cake by my friends. It was a recipe for chocolate cake that I decided to try in the microwave and well, it just went horribly wrong and instead of having a delicious cake I ended up with a trivet.

[COTSBOE]

Like so many, when I first moved away from home I had no idea what the hell I was doing in the kitchen. I knew how tell my mama I was hungry, or (that failing) place an order at a restaurant.

So one day I decided to be self sufficient and make breakfast for my roommate and myself. Eggs, ham, french toast, fried potatoes...the works.

Suffice it to say we had brunch at Denny's after the firemen left.

[Mouser]

Working with dried beans for the first time with hard water...

Suffice it to say, the words "Mmm... Crunchy!" are not what you want to hear from your flatmates after you make them a chili.

Burnt and crunchy?

Even worse.

[Haze]

Actually the vesuvius cake was rather spectacular in its own way.

[Archer]

My dad's idea of teaching me to cook was to unexpectedly one evening point me toward the kitchen and tell me to cook dinner. There was a macaroni, onion, and ground beef dish that we had occassionally that he expected me to make. The macaroni ended up chewy. The ground beef ended up crunchy and the onion almost raw despite having been cooked at the same time in the same pan (I couldn't manage to do that one again if I tried). And I got the spices somehow horribly wrong despite having the right spice bottles in front of me.

It was the first time I'd cooked something other than boiling an egg.

---------

Much later after getting married, I learned to follow written recipes as long as they were well-written. But about the "well-written" part...


My aunt had a party and had these little sausage balls as finger food. They weren't anything fancy, just a guilty little pleasure. I asked her how they were made and she told me it was in the community-compiled cookbook which she had gotten me.

So a few days later, I give it a try.

The recipe said to mix them up and then cook them until brown. To me, brown was a color like in a crayon box. And the interior of my oven wasn't extremely well lit. So I checked them over and over as they cooked for the next 2.5 hours until they turned brown.

Brown, of course, is a cooking term and not a crayon. It was supposed to cook for some extremely short amount of time like 10 or 15 minutes.

[BattleNymph]

when i have time, i will tell the infamous instant pudding story. :>

Ok, spill! If you have enough time to max post count on SC, you have enough time to post this story.

[carmachu]

I dont cook, but the worst the mrs had involved Hambuger Helper. WHich has been banned from the house for life.

[silverwhisper]

several of you may have seen this elsewhere...



years ago, when i was still in high school, i was kinda craving a dessert or something. in many asian cultures, it's unusual to have such a thing as "dessert" so our family dinners never really involved such a course.

the family finished dinner an hour or two ago, and as i poked around in the kitchen, i found something that looked promising: instant pudding. i proudly announced that i was going to make some. my sister looked at me warily. "are you sure you know how to make it?"

i looked at her and in a slightly hurt tone replied, "c'mon, it's instant pudding. even an idiot can do it!"

lesson: never declare such a thing when having zero proficiency at same.

the instructions were pretty simple: 1 cup of milk (or some such--i don't recall the instructions on the packet very well). well, that seemed simple enough. so i added the milk and proceeded to stir briskly. after about 15 minutes, i realized it wasn't really thickening. at all.

at around this point, my sister called from the other room, "everything OK in there?"

frustrated, i muttered something about how it wasn't getting thicker or anything. this prompted, as you might imagine, an immediate need to inspect the kitchen from my siblings. they inspected the bowl in which i was combining the ingredients.

"did you follow the directions?"

"of course! it said add a cup of milk! so..."

that was when they saw the tall tumbler on the counter: in the bottom still remained just a little milk.

my sister smirked. "so...any idiot can do it, huh?"

ever since that day, i've been very, very careful to make sure that i follow instructions. :>

[Kalzazz]

Ive splattered the kitchen all over with confusion on how precisely a blender works when making milkshakes, flooded a kitchen with oil due to filling a deep fryer to the top with oil then putting the food in

The most memorable to me was when I was in a house with a garbage disposal, had peeled all manner of potatoes and things, and tried to put the peels down the disposal and the sink stopped up. So, I tried a plunger, still didnt work. So, person who owned the house called her father, he dismantled the thing and so on, then determined I wanted to clean everything with lysol. I have never tried to use a garbage disposal since and also shifted to using 95% or so disposal silverware and such

On a much funnier and less making me want to kill certain peoples fathers note, I once decided a microwave was so dirty it needed to be cleaned (had standing puddles of vile smelling gunk and such and seemed to be tainting the flavor of the food), so I windexed it and such and it was clean, and promptly cooked ramen that came out Windex flavored. So, I thought, I need to cook things to absorb the Windex. So I microwaved paper towels, which burst into flames. So for a while food came out burnt paper towel flavored, which is entirely more edible than Windex

Ive cooked lots of things that came out inedible, but nothing that stuck in memory as being truly significant in its inedibility, I dont eat food that doesnt taste fairly good unless Im just being polite, so whenever I cook things that come out badly I just junk them and eat something else without so much a blink

[ldygmr1]

There was the time I mistook salt for sugar in a batch of peanut butter (salt) cookies.


And oh yes....the time I mistook powdered sugar for flour making chocolate chip cookies.



And the multiple times my jelly didn't set, dagnabit!

[TinSoldier]

And the multiple times my jelly didn't set, dagnabit!OT, I know, but I made jalapeno jelly for the first time this past Christmas. The first time I've made any kind of jelly.

Also, having watched my step-mom can goods and with a little bit of research I kind of understood the process. It turned out.

Hmm, as for disasters -- I don't really have much. I think the first time I tried making pancakes as a kid they weren't done in the middle. I've since learned to set the heat properly and watch for bubbles on the top before flipping them.

[Dreamweaver]

my aunt once made cookies that bounced when you dropped them. They got tossed in the alley behind my grandparents house. 5 years later they were still there. I don't eat any of her cooking.

[carmachu]

my aunt once made cookies that bounced when you dropped them. They got tossed in the alley behind my grandparents house. 5 years later they were still there. I don't eat any of her cooking.

5 years later still there!!!!! Damn even the animals couldnt eat them....I'd expect ants or something to get them...

[Dreamweaver]

5 years later still there!!!!! Damn even the animals couldnt eat them....I'd expect ants or something to get them...

I think that is what she was expecting to. heh i would be surprised if the ants had a boycott of that house going on.

[marmalade]

I already told you about this disaster in the curry thread...
I tried to make Saag Paneer once, and it turned into brown sludge reminiscent of Godzilla vs, the Smog Monster (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067148/).

Then there's the time I seasoned my new baking stone with unrolled crescent roll dough. The next time I used the stone, the whole apartment was filled with really noxious smoke for hours.

[Cranky Dog]

High school home-ec, first year it's was being taught and they were teaching us cooking. I have to note here that we were an all boy school at that time.

For some reason, their idea of teaching us to cook is not by going with the basics, but somehow make us do custard and muffins.

No one was really a fan of custard, and the lumpy mass that was created did not help things.

Next came the muffins. Not too bad, but for some odd reason, when I tried the recipe back home, they somehow turned out green looking. Green muffins! There was no ingredient even remotely green but that's how they appeared. Tasted okay for something amateurish, but we still remember them after 20+ years.


Cranky Dog
"I have a non-veggie green opinion, international!"

[marmalade]

Green muffins! Were they blueberry muffins by any chance?

http://www.hormel.com/templates/knowledge/knowledge.asp?catitemid=113&id=833


Note: When blueberries are cooked in a recipe containing a fair amount of baking soda, the berries will have a tendency to turn a dark greenish brown color. The baking soda creates an alkaline environment, which causes the yellow pigments in the blueberries to turn green. The baking soda is used to counteract acidity of ingredients, such as yogurt and buttermilk. To eliminate the discoloring of the blueberries, substitute the same amount of milk as what is called for in buttermilk or yogurt, and replace each 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda with 1 teaspoon of baking powder.

[Cranky Dog]

Were they blueberry muffins by any chance?
Nope, don't like blueberries anyway and there were no fruit, these were plain wholewheat muffins. There weren't any ingredients that normally turn green.

To this day, it remains a mystery.


Cranky Dog
"I have a green muffin opinion, international!"

[marmalade]

You must have been channeling Dr. Seuss!

:D

[TinSoldier]

You must have been channeling Dr. Seuss!

:DGreen eggs and bran?

[silverwhisper]

two weeks ago, i was making breakfast in bed for the mrs. i was making an omelette, using a duxelle* that she'd made the day before. as i was working quickly, i inadvertently grabbed the wrong (unlabeled) spice to add a certain je ne sais quoi.

30 seconds later, i realized the aroma rising from the omelette pan was not that wonderful, smoky haze of cumin, but rather the cloying noxiousness of cinnamon.

so i promptly dumped out the omelette onto my plate and wiped down the pan before making hers, which still tasted faintly of cinnamon.



one would think that having had this experience, i would have learned, right?

wrong.

tonight will feature the world's worst ever batch of chili.

[sigh]

ed

*duxelle: minced mushrooms that have been sauteed. in this case, they had rosemary.

[TinSoldier]

My sympathies, silverwhisper. I couldn't imagine doing that...

[Zayda]

as i was working quickly, i inadvertently grabbed the wrong (unlabeled) spice to add a certain je ne sais quoi.



[hands ed a label maker]


Cinnamon chili.....ewwwww...

:throwup:

[BattleNymph]

[hands ed a label maker]


Cinnamon chili.....ewwwww...

:throwup:


I don't know.. Could work. Kind of like hidufels coffee steaks.

[Starhawk]

I once added a little too much milk to my mac-n-cheese and got cheese-flavored soup. With some unflavored macaroni noodles in it.

Yuck.

Sorry, that's all I've got...

[marmalade]

tonight will feature the world's worst ever batch of chili.

[sigh]Just pretend you're in Cincinnatti (http://whatscookingamerica.net/Beef/CincinnatiChili.htm). They add things like cinnamon, cocoa, and allspice to chili.

[Zayda]

Just pretend you're in Cincinnatti (http://whatscookingamerica.net/Beef/CincinnatiChili.htm). They add things like cinnamon, cocoa, and allspice to chili.


Skyline Chili, based in Cincinnati, actually puts nutmeg in their chili. It's disgusting. They opened a Skyline Chili here in the small college town we live in. It stayed in business all of a year. Apparently, not enough people here liked Skyline Chili to keep it open.

I've even seen people put that chili on hot dogs.

Tony Packo's (http://www.tonypackos.com) Chili is much, much better than Skyline Chili. But even better than their chili is their pickles. :D

[silverwhisper]

that stuff is not chili. it just isn't.

[BattleNymph]

that stuff is not chili. it just isn't.

How did YOUR chili turn out?

[silverwhisper]

i pronounced it utterly inedible.

[COTSBOE]

This belongs here moreso than the Curry thread...

I tried making Chimaera's "Butter Chicken" recipe last night. I still haven't figured out exactly what I did wrong (though I'm confident that it was some mistake on my part), but the sauce turned out a good deal less than delicious. I have a feeling I screwed up the portion of cream...

[marmalade]

Apparently, not enough people here liked Skyline Chili to keep it open.

You'd think they would have done some local taste-testing first. Of course, college students will eat just about anything as long as it's free.

[TinSoldier]

I've even seen people put that chili on hot dogs.Umm, I put chili on hot dogs. It's usually canned chili, but still. I like chili dogs.

When I make my home-made chili I like to serve it over rice (no, I haven't tried making "real Texas chili" yet...)

[Parzival]

Just noticed that this forum was here.

I suppose I'll answer the question.
The worst disaster* I've ever had was the time that I learned the difference between a hearty meat sauce for spagetti, and the filling of a sloppy joe, is just a pinch of chili powder.

*Not counting scraping pancakes off the ceiling or having pyrex explode.

[TinSoldier]

having pyrex explode.Heh, I've had that. My sister-in-law had a new crystal pan that we used in the oven for turkey one Thanksgiving and after the turkey was done we put the pan on the stovetop to make the drippings into gravy. The thing shattered after awhile. It was a shame, too.

Oven, okay. Stovetop, not okay.

[Zayda]

Umm, I put chili on hot dogs. It's usually canned chili, but still. I like chili dogs.

When I make my home-made chili I like to serve it over rice (no, I haven't tried making "real Texas chili" yet...)

No, I was referring to the Cincinnati chili. It's vile by itself. It's worse on a hot dog.

I put chili on hot dogs as well, but not that kind of chili.

[silverwhisper]

[rendered speechless]

skyline chili, or cinicinnatti chili, is evidence that there is no great food to associate with all cities, unlike either chicago, new york, or new orleans. :D

[silverwhisper]

i too am curious to know what the results were like.

[COTSBOE]

It should be a rich, deep orange colour, sort of a blood-orange colour. Also, it only needs a hint of tamarind syrup. The result should be a mellow, spicy, but sweet heat. Let me know what you did and how and perhaps I can help you troubleshoot.

I humbly beg your forgiveness for the poor result... :(


As I said, I believe the fault lies with me. Some men have a thing against asking for directions...I have a problem using a measuring cup. I think, especially weighing it against your description of the sauce color, that I added too much cream. It's also possible that my garam masala (the first I've ever attempted, by the way) was shitty. The results didn't turn out bad, per say...just not amazing.